I have been writing a lot lately, just for the sake of writing. Not writing anything I'd want people to read, or critique, or care about. But it's given me the gratification of just getting the thoughts onto paper. Creating for creation's sake.
I have an entire document full of song ideas that I can't for the life of me, actually sit down and write. It's like I want so badly to write the songs, that that want is a roadblock to actually getting anything written.
With me, when I write a song, if I have an idea and begin writing, the melody I first come up with pretty much stays with those words. So I am afraid that if I write a melody to go with words, and I don't love the melody, that I'll be stuck with it and the original thought won't be what I wanted it to be. Maybe that sounds a little crazy.
I picked up the guitar the other day, fully intending on writing. Just trying to force myself to come up with something. (Yes, I know that I should know better than to force it). Instead, I just played other peoples' songs for hours. On one hand, it was great - just play and sing with no consequences or self-induced pressure. Then the thoughts go from 'happy to be playing', to 'why can't I write like this'? How come Sheryl Crow can come up with Strong Enough, but I can't think up any ways to finish a chorus I came up with 6 months ago?
For a long time, I've been hoping to find a songwriting partner, which I'd still like to do. But, at the same time, I'd really like to just be able to do it on my own. And do it well. I have the thoughts. I have the motivation. I just need to let go of the 'fear' of writing something I don't love.
Sometimes the act of writing is more important that what you write.
