Living In Rhythm

So I just had to go to the nearby Indigo (basically Canada's equivalent to Barnes & Noble) to scope out some things for work. Went with my best friend/coworker.

We ended up making a list of Dr. Seuss books she wants for her unborn baby, laughing over the nostalgia of those very stories from our own childhoods.

Then I did something insane, given that I'm 25. I bought a Gossip Girl book. The first one. Why? People keep telling me they are awesome. I figured I'd give one a read and see what the big deal's about. I'll keep you posted......

I also bought a brand new notebook whose sole purpose will be to contain ideas for the novel I am getting closer and closer to writing.

I'll keep you posted on that, too.......

I wasn't going to weigh in on this. It didn't feel right, considering everyone else in the web world is doing it.

But as I listen to the Bad album, I've changed my mind.

Never again will we have another artist as groundbreaking, culturally relevant, generation-changing as Michael Jackson. Never. No doubt. When someone asks you who has changed music the most, you will answer Elvis, John Lennon, and/or Michael Jackson. No one else even comes close.

MJ changed the world through his art. People should not forget that.

My best friend asked me this morning, "Why is no music like his music?" She meant that to mean - there are so many followers, so many people influenced by him, but no one is like him. No one.

My response? "Vision. Genius. Fearless. And because he's Michael Jackson."

The thing that hits me is, when you listen to his music, it can go from disco, to straight up R&B, to pop, to rock (Dirty Diana anyone?).

MJ did not see limitations. There were no boundaries.

There was just music.

I am hard to impress. I am jaded and cynical, and I have very high standards.

Tonight, I was absolutely HUMBLED.

(Yes, that is all caps and bold and italicized. I would have underlined if I was able.)

I bought a ticket to go see Maxwell. I was excited. I have adored him for years, and his new album (07-07-09) is one of my most anticipated releases of this year. I watched a couple live vids on Youtube just to see what it'd be like, and I was even more thrilled to be going...Just had that feeling it was going to be really damn good.

And then something special happened.

The opening act.

Laura Izibor. If you don't know her, you absolutely should. It is not often that music will reduce me to tears. Really. It isn't. I know I've blogged about it in the past, saying that every once in a while, you find a song that just destroys you in the most amazing way. All her songs did that to me. I was crying. Two songs in to the freaking night and I had goosebumps on my arms and had to wipe my eye. I wasn't embarrassed about it. I have no problem showing my emotions and reacting to something so incredible.

If an angel came down to me / Asked what I would do differently / I would say nothing you see / I love someone truly

Is that not the most honest lyric? Just beautiful.

Then the hook is ;

If tonight is my last / I wanna spend it with you

Maxwell rocked the house, man. He got a little nasty (to the delight of every woman in the crowd) with things like laying down on the stage when singing ,"girl, get on top of me." And lyrics like, "get on the table, I'mma eat you up." And telling the guys that, "if you can't get no ass after my show..."

But musically speaking, absolutely amazing. He somehow manages to keep the things that people love about his recorded songs, but revamp them and rework them a little for the live show. It worked seamlessly. Highlights were Pretty Wings (of course; how much do I love that song?), Lifetime, and a couple new songs that I cannot wait to have recordings of. Most notably, Cold.

I actually said to my friend today when she asked me what I expected, "It's going to be awesome. And R&B bands are always tight as hell, too." This band did not make a liar of me. Incredible musicians, all independently talented. Together? Forget it. I had chills all night.

And the ticket to this show was only $25! Steal. I would have paid much, much more. Much more.

Either way, I'm going to.

It makes you take a step back, put your hands on your hips, take a deep breath, and ask yourself what in the hell you're doing in the first place.

This is what I'm doing right now. Wondering if I should stop it all and focus attention elsewhere. Like the novel I want to write by 'don't have time' for. That's looking like a pretty good idea, actually.

Really trying to believe that whole 'criticism versus creation' thing. I write because I love to write.

But.......

Had a bad day today. Very, very bad. Didn't want to do anything after work, and of course, that's the day you always have plans you can't get out of, isn't it?

So my day sucked. But now I'm sitting in sweats, hair in a ridiculous ponytail, drinking amazing tea, listening to Dolly Parton, and writing.

Feels good. Simple things can change a mood.

And don't make fun of me for Dolly. When I was little, I wanted to be her. I loved her. I still do. She's fantastic.

Go back and listen to 9 to 5 or Potential New Boyfriend if you don't believe me.

What's more fun than a new idea? Something new to get your creativity going?

Not much.

You come up with a new idea and all you want to do is share it with everyone you know and let them in on the new love in your life, and you hope they like the idea as much as you do.

I have a new one I'm working on. I'm loving it. But it's turning me into a gin-swilling crazy. That may be an exaggeration. It's just easier to get into the headspace to write the story if I've had a drink. Bad news! Good thing it's only a one parter!

Want a teaser? You know you do...

He doesn't know why he never told her. He could say he never had the chance, but it would be a lie. He had chances. He had plenty.

He didn't take them.

It's easy, really.

I love you. I miss you. I never should have left. You never should have let me.

It's easy. They're just words with honest emotions attached to them, weighing them down so they don't get lost. Easy.

Except it's really, really not.

They were young, then they got a little older, and then that little cocoon that was high school broke apart and sent them on their own. He left, and she stayed, and the little dance they'd done for those last few months of high school came to an abrupt end. Someone cut the music, and they turned their backs on one another and walked away. Or he turned his back on her and walked away.

Or she turned her back and he was too cowardly to make her turn back around.

Whatever it was, whatever happened, he left, and she stayed.

That's the first little bit. What do you think? It's going to be a loooong one parter. I don't know when I'll be finished. We'll see!! I'm excited about it, though. Can't wait to complete it and share.

Or Starbucks, to most. I call it Starbs. It's a thing between my brother and sister and I.

Having no internet at home, well, it sucks. "I know, I'll just check and see where there's a Dairy Queen!" .... "Oh. No, I won't." I wanted a brownie batter blizzard (seriously? how delicious to those things look!?) and couldn't get to one. It's probably for the best, but anyway...

I'm rambling.

Bottom line is, I do not have internet at my house. This has led to me traveling to every Starbucks within a 20 minute drive from my house to use my two hours of free internet (or four, since I have two Starbs cards...way to cheat the system!) a day.

I used to hate sitting in Starbucks and trying to work. Or trying to do anything. I was an in and out kind of girl. Order my tall americano, milk, sugar, cinnamon, and get the hell out.

It's surprisingly calm to just sit at one of those little tables and people watch while I write. I found my favourite Starbs (in a bookstore about 10 minutes from my house). It's quiet, and they play a good mix of music, and the staff is friendly. The guy working yesterday even gave me a grande instead of a tall. Awesome!

Starbucks is an interesting place. Interesting employees, and interesting patrons. Ever watched Starbucks employees clean up behind the counter? I have. It's neat. Ever watched someone try to force a tall lid onto a grande cup? Hilarious! Ever watched someone complain about their tea just tasting like water? Then the barista rolling her eyes when the customer walked away? Amazing.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it served me well to get out of my apartment this weekend and write somewhere other than on my sofa. And write, I did. I probably spent 6 hours at Starbucks this weekend, typing away and smiling at cute boys when they looked my way. It happened. Whatever.

Now, if I can just come up with a new story idea, I'll head back to Starbucks to write it...

Tall decaf mocha, please, and I'll type 10,000 words while I sit with my flip flops on the floor and my legs crossed on the chair.

So, there are a few things I take very seriously. One of them is creation. I don't mean that in a Darwinistic way. I mean the task of creating something. Art, music...I dunno...building a bookshelf. I think that the determination and passion involved in creating something is probably one of the most admirable qualities in a person.

And then, after the creation comes the criticism. The thing is? Creating is the hard part. Starting with a mere idea and following it through to completion. That's the hard part. But when the criticism comes, that always feels like the hardest part of the process.

You open yourself and your art or music (or bookshelf...?) up to your audience, to the world, and you hold your breath and your hands shake as you wait for what they'll say back to you. And sometimes it's good. Most of the time it's good. And you smile. And you get a little feeling in your heart that feels a lot like love for the thing you've created. It's a part of you, and the positive feedback is something like nourishment and encouragement.

Then you hear something bad.

Someone doesn't understand and they say something that you want to refute. You want to explain it, and go 'No, no, no! That's not it. Here's why I did that!' The problem with that is, how do you do that without sounding pompous or arrogant? Without sounding like a child, stomping their foot after someone tells them 'no'. How do you do it without it feeling like you're just insulted and emotional? (Especially when usually, you are).

The fear of criticism, I believe, is one of the main reasons that a lot of people don't share their creations. It's terrible, and it's sad that it has to come down to that. Who is one person to tell you that what you've done isn't valid or worthy? But it happens, and it sucks. It hits that place in your heart, and it makes you question your talent. If makes you question whether or not you even have talent.

It makes you take a step back, put your hands on your hips, take a deep breath, and ask yourself what in the hell you're doing in the first place.

Am I going to stop creating art or music or bookshelves? No. Probably not. But it makes you think twice about sharing it, doesn't it?