Living In Rhythm

My friend has been trying to convince me to join an online dating site. She met a few guys online, one who she really liked, and thought it might be a good way for me to meet someone. "You never know," she said.

I'm not going to do it.

But, I have been thinking: what would I say if I did join? What would my "profile" be? So I started going through ways I'd describe myself. If I were to go on one of these sites (I'm not) I would not want a boring, generic "profile". I would want tot be truthful and detailed, without telling my llife story to everyone who clicked on my name.

So I am writing what my personal ad would say. If I had one. Which I don't.

- I don't think it's too much to ask that a man has a decent job and doesn't live with his parents.
- I am allergic to cats. Also, I don't like them.
- I like dogs, but not little yappy ones, not ones that jump on me, and not mean ones.
- I don't ski or snowboard. No, I don't want to learn.
- I think music is the purest and most effective form of communication.
- I am sarcastic and cynical. But in a good way, I think.
- I think Harleys are obnoxious.
- I watch television. I don't know when that became a bad thing.
- I have a job I enjoy but don't love, but I know it will somehow lead me to my passion.
- My friends are almost as important to me as my family. Almost.
- I can slip a Friends quote, song lyric, or sports analogy into almost any conversation.
- I would rather listen to music and/or play guitar all day than do anything else.
- I have been to more concerts and shows than I can count, in almost every genre you can think of.
- I live for a summer road trip. I make playlists for different parts of the drive.
- I moved to Vancouver for a stupid reason, but found a place to start my career.
- I don't think Vancouver is as incredible as people seem to think. It is great, but there are a few things about Vancouver I can't stand.
- Few things piss me off more than people who talk about things they know nothing about.
- I don't know what I'm looking for. I only hope I can recognize it when it comes to me.


Looking at this list, it is probably too specific and honest for its hypothetical purpose. Which is why an online dating service isn't for me. When you put me down on paper, it seems to be too intense and too much to handle all at once. But when I can leak bits of information to someone gradually and as they come up in regular conversation, the effect is a little different.

And isn't that the way it's supposed to go? I don't want to start dating someone on date #5.

I just caught up with an old friend I hadn't seen in years, and I couldn't help but feel myself getting swept away into total girliness and completely ridiculous thoughts.

When I met him in college, I thought he was fantastically attractive. Green eyes, tall, fit, and not like the other guys I had met at college. He was into design and music and dressed like he wanted without feeling conscious. He, of course, didn't think there was anything special about me.

So now, 5 years later and with a little help from Facebook, we decided that since we would be in the same place at the same time, we would catch up.

We walked to each other, we hugged, we small talked, then we talked about lives and the reasons we have done the things we've done. We talked about hockey (my knowledge of which "floored" him- yes, that's the word he used). Easy, fun, clever conversation.

So of course, I felt like there was potential for a connection there. But then I started thinking- why now would he be even remotely interested in me when he wasn't 5 years ago. What would he see now that he didn't see then? And (silly as it is) why would a person like him (still ridiculously attractive and equally as cool), why would he like me? In any way?

I still found him attractive, but he probably didn't find me attractive. I still thought he was the cool/funky guy, he probably thought I was still the boring, bland girl, though slightly more secure and living in a different city.

I want to find a new person. I want to start from scratch and not have someone compare me to myself- just know that I am who I am, and all the things I used to be are part of that person, but aren't the whole. I don't want someone who knew those parts of my life and those things, whether he liked them or not. I want to tell the stories how I remember them - how I felt them - and for that to be the undisputed truth.

So yes, he is gorgeous, and yes we can chat, but he didn't like me the first go 'round, and I don't want him to be able to have a mulligan and revisit me before making the call....