Things one would assume about the universe if my home was the only example of what life on Earth is like.
- It is easy to turn things on, but not to turn them off. Once a light has been switched on, it must remain on until the home's designated light exterminator deems it time for the light to be switched off. Same goes for televisions and some major appliances. Also, even if it is the middle of the day and the light doesn't need to be turned on, someone will flip that switch.
- Two televisions must be on at all times, even when only one person is home. Perhaps they are set to the same channel, but perhaps not. The person who turned on the television does not need to be in the room to watch what is on, either. If this is the case, the volume must be turned up to an obnoxious level. Also, if one person has turned their television up and another person is watching something in a separate room, it sparks a battle to see whose volume can drown out the other's. It is customary for three people to be split between two rooms, watching the exact same show.
Depending on who is sitting in front of the television, it may also be necessary to have music playing from a laptop, or to be talking on the phone at the same time. Possibly both. - One must never throw anything away. The most common excuse being "I might need that someday." Yard sales do not exist, nor do charitable donations of things like furniture or clothing.
- Each dinner must consist of meat, vegetable and potatoes. No substitutions.
- It is perfectly acceptable to leave doors open when you are doing things like showering, changing, or using the washroom, no matter how many people may be home at the time of these activities.
- Conversations are to be had at extreme volumes, generally from opposite sides of the house, instead of face to face.
- America's Funniest Home Videos is the greatest show ever to have aired on television. Followed closely by The Greatest Catch. Any argument to these facts will be seen as rude and will result in the silent treatment towards the offending party.
- The youngest sibling will be exempt from all household duties for the entirety of his or her life. Also, they will receive anything they ask for, no matter the price tag, and will not be expected to achieve basic human accomplishments, such as earning a driver's license.
- Political views other than staunch conservatism will be ignored and likely torn down using mildly-informed rhetoric. Other opinions are allowed, but not encouraged and certainly not spoken about. Talk of any modern issues will be answered by a rant instead of made into an actual intelligent conversation.
- Global warming does not exist. Environmentalism is a waste of time and money. (Do not mention David Suzuki's name. Ever.)
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